A little taken out of the Dudes of Legend book. The free sample. YOU, yeah, YOU guys gotta read this. I laughed my lungs to shreds again reading this. My god, this shit really is awesome!
"No, no, I get it. You think we’re joking.
I hear you: “Meh-ha-hee-ha, oh, trenchcoats and strippers, it’s an
April Fool’s Day thing from those wacky White Wolf guys again. They’re
probably drunk on mezcal, or high on the dust ground from the bones of
a long-lost subterranean humanoid race.”
Drunk? Yes. High on the bone dust of a fallen hobbit species? Duh.
But we’re not fucking around. You put that out of your head. You
put it out of your head, or we’ll kick it out. With boots. With fat, clunky
steel-toe construction boots.
Yeah, keep on giggling.
See, you think whatever you want, but strippers? Awesome. Lesbian
strippers? Double-awesome. Lesbian strippers whipping off their trenchcoats
only to reveal a katana tucked delicately in a garter or g-string?
That is a face full of awesome. Your face will be dripping with awesome.
The sauce of awesome will give you a nasal enema.
Oh, don’t you turn your nose down at me. Or is it, look down your
nose and turn up your nose? It has to be, right? It can’t be look up your
nose, because that’s disgusting. Especially after that whole “nasal enema”
thing. Wait. Where were we? What’s happening? Why am I wearing this
rabbit costume with the ass cut out?
All right. Shake it off. Shake it off. Get back in the game. Refocus.
Laser precision. Forget about what Mommy said. Forget her. You don’t
need her anymore.
Ah. Yes. That’s right. Here we go.
Don’t you condescend to me, man. You’re trapped in your little uppity
world where vampires are merely conveyances for personal horror,
where Frankensteins are just lumbering vehicles for existential dread.
You’re locked in a little box of morality and meaning, and somewhere
along the way you forgot how to have fun. That’s right. I’m talking to you,
emo-boy. With your Flock of Seagulls haircut and your poofy shirt. Why
so serious? You’ve got to get shut of that shit, son. Or lady. Or ladyboy.
Or whatever gender conglomeration you happen to be. We’re screaming
it so the cheap seats can hear. We’re delivering a gospel—gospel means
“good news,” remember—of raw unbridled bad-ass motherfucking awesome
to your soul.
We’re going to teach you how to have fun again.
Gone with the gloomy-gus mope-mask, people.
It’s time to rock out with your cock out.
Or, for the ladies, time to jam out with your clam out.
Or, for the gender ambiguous, it’s time to... drop curtain... on your... uhh,
uncertain? It’s time to do the serious funk out with your, ummm, mysterious
junk out? Hrm. I’m just not feeling that one. I tried. I really tried.
Shut up."
OH MY GOD! This really is awesome! hahahah
The Unicorn Mount twinkish stats in WoD:Dude of Legend.
Unicorn
Attributes: Intelligence 5, Wits 5, Resolve 3,
Strength 3, Dexterity 5, Stamina 3, Presence 5, Manipulation
5, Composure 5
Skills: Athletics (Gallop) 3, Brawl (Hornstab) 5,
Empathy (Marriage counseling) 5, Medicine (Unicorn
spit) 2, Persuasion (Seduction) 4, Socialize (Party
games) 3, Streetwise (Gang signs) 2
Subject: Totally Awesome 
Mon Apr 12, 2010 6:23 pm
